Livin La Vida Loca
by Black Pearl
Summary: ** Ch 4 is up ** Huh?! Yoda yet again? On Earth? Thong Song?!! Yep, it's the end of the dancing Yoda trilogy
1. That thong, thong, thong, thong....thong...

Author's Note: Here it is folks! The final part to my "Dancing Yoda" saga. In this one, I bring the madness (and laughs) to Earth, and the 90's. It's pop, rock, rap, and Yoda. Is the Earth ready for Yoda? You have to wait and see....   
  
  
  
Disclaimer: You know that I don't own this, you say it! I'm sick of saying it! I'd be a gazillionare if all the characters and stuff were mine, but they aren't! Anyway, the song I borrowed for this was none other than the "Thong Song," by Sisqo   
  
  
  
  
  
That thong, thong, thong, thong...thong?  
  
  
When the GTD craft (galactical - time - demention craft) landed on Earth, a host of different creatures got off. Among them were Master Yoda and his girlfriend, Bridget Butterfly. Anikan had asked to come along and was miraculously granted permission by his master Obi - Wan. At first, this seemed to good to be true. It was, since Obi - Wan decided to come along too, fearing what would happen with Anikan there under the influence of Master Yoda. Of course, Anikan's friends, Purus Anno and Dia - Hun came along for the ride. Obi - Wan had promised their masters he would look out for them. He knew when they stepped out of the transportation building that the task would prove daunting.   
  
  
A young girl walked by, she was dressed in a bikini top and shorts so short, they were practically not there. Obi - Wan actually caught himself staring and quickly averted his eyes. Anikan and Purus hadn't bothered to do this, which was why Obi - Wan cleared his throat. Both boys quickly looked away from the fascinating sight. Obi - Wan shook his head.   
  
  
Master Yoda, who was wearing shades, a red Hawaiian shirt, dark green shorts and sandals, stepped forward. "In L.A.," he said waving his hand at the buildings and streets around, "We are." "Hey, anyone for the beach?" Bridget asked as she came up behind Master Yoda. She was wearing a red tank top and blue jean short shorts. She too had shades on. "Yeah," said Anikan, and Purus and Dia - Hun clamored excited. "To the hotel," said Yoda, "We will go first. Then we will go to the beach."  
  
  
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After checking into a classy hotel, the group took a rented van, which to the disappointment of the padawans, did not float. Yoda and Bridget insisted on stopping to a shop to buy swim suits for everyone. Obi - Wan was the only one who did not consent to wear one,saying, (and the author quotes) "There's no way I'm getting into those blasted things, so you had just better forget it! The answer is no!"  
  
  
When the group finally arrived at the beach, the guys were once again "treated" to the sight of barely dressed women. After the group found a spot on the beach, Anikan called Bridget. "What are those the women are wearing", he asked, pointing to a group of women lining the beach beside them. "Thong bikinis" Bridget replied matter - of - factly. Apparently this "inspired" Master Yoda in some way, because he soon went dancing up the beach, infront of the women, singing a most perculiar song.  
  
  
"Oh, that dress so scandolous,  
  
And you know another ----- can't handle it  
  
When you shaken that thing like who's the ish  
  
With that look in your eyes so devilish  
  
Uh  
  
You like to dance on the hip hop spots  
  
And you cruise to grooves to connect the dots  
  
Not just urban she like the pop  
  
Cause she was Livin La Vida Loca  
  
She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck, truck  
  
Thighs like what, what, what   
  
Baby move your butt, butt, butt  
  
I think I'll sing it again..."  
  
  
While master Yoda was singing, people began to get up and dance around, particularly the thong wearing women nearby who complied when Yoda sang:  
  
"Let me see that thoooong, baby  
  
That thong, thong, thong, thong, thong   
  
I like when the beat goes  
  
Baby, make your booty go,  
  
Baby, I know you want to show  
  
That thong, thong, thong, thong, thong..."  
  
  
Yoda did a backflip and started dancing back down the beach, still singing, a group of people dancing with him. Once again, Obi - Wan turned to make a comment to Anikan, and, once again, he wasn't there. Anikan was over dancing with a couple of the thong - sporting females. Obi - Wan sighed at this, but then one of the females asked him to dance. Before the Jedi Master could refuse the female pulled him away and before Obi - Wan knew it, he was getting his groove on with everyone else. The fun continued into the afternoon.  
  
  
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End this chapter. More on the way I promise!!! BP 


	2. Baby one more time

***Warning*** Some of this material may offend some diehard Britney Spears fans, but I'm going to do it anyway  
  
  
Disclaimer: I've said it enough, click back to the last chapters to read what I don't own. Anyway, I borrowed "Baby one more time," from Britney Spears and "Barbie Girl" from Aqua BP  
  
  
  
  
Baby one more time  
  
  
  
An interesting thing happened that night, strange but interesting. Anikan and Purus had been trying to talk Obi - Wan into going to a nearby arcade to check things out. Obi - Wan had been a little hesitant, still reeling from his earlier experience. Finally, the Jedi master gave in, saying that they would visit Master Yoda's hotel room on their way out.   
  
  
When they approached the room, they heard loud music blaring. "What is that?" Purus asked Anikan. Anikan shrugged, not knowing. When they opened the door they all just stared in wide eyed shock. There was Master Yoda, dressed up like a school girl, with a blonde wig on singing:  
  
  
"My loneliness, is killing me (And I)  
  
I must confess, I still believe (Still believe)..."  
  
  
He continued until the end. Bridget and Dia - Hun, who were on the couch clapped for him, laughing. "Master Yoda!" Obi - Wan said indigantly, "What ARE you doing?!!" "It's dare," Dia - Hun said, still laughing. "We dared Yoda to do a Britney Spears impersonation." "Yes," said Yoda, shaking his butt. "Very sexy, I am!"   
  
  
Dia - Hun and Bridget went into more laughter. "Master Yoda is...drunk isn't he?" Obi - Wan asked Bridget, who nodded. "Yes he's had waaay to much to drink." Obi - Wan shook his head at Master Yoda who was going into yet another song.  
  
  
"I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie wooorld  
  
wrapped in plastic, it's fantastic  
  
You can brush my hair, and dress me everywhere  
  
Imagination, that is your creation!"  
  
  
Bridget joined in, singing:  
  
"Come on Barbie, let's go party!"  
  
  
Yoda responded, still dancing.  
  
"Ooo oh! ooo oh!"  
  
  
Anikan and Purus were laughing their heads off. Obi - Wan only shook his. He quickly escorted the laughing boys from the room.  
  
  
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That night, Anikan was strolling through the arcade when he spotted a girl. She sort of reminded him of Ash with her spunkiness, except she had a caramel skin tone and her hair was in braids. She wore a red top with black leather pants. Anikan watched the girl as she was playing air hockey. She beat person after person. Seeing him, she smiled. "You next?" she asked. Anikan shrugged. The game seemed simple enough.  
  
  
After a period of five minutes, Anikan beat the girl three times. "Hmmm," the girl said narrowing her eyes at him. "That's very impressive for someone who's never played before." Anikan smiled. "It's all in the reflexes." After a moment, Anikan offered the girl his hand. "I'm Anikan," he said. The girl looked at him for a moment, and then took his hand. "Taylon". Afterwards the two spent the next half hour getting better aquainted. Anikan asked if Taylon wanted to visit him at his hotel room. Taylon laughed. "My, my," she said. "You don't wait do you?" Anikan blinked at her. "Wait for what?"   
  
  
This response made Taylon laugh harder and Anikan's eyes widened. "No, no, I meant-" "Anikan," Obi - Wan called from the exit, "We're leaving." "Coming," Anikan called back. He left Taylon his hotel room and number and was off running after Purus and Obi - Wan.  
  
  
Taylon shook her head. A big African - American guy came up beside Taylon. "Making new friends, sis?" he asked. She looked at him and then back towards Anikan's departing back. "Looks like it." She said with a laugh.  
  
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End of Chapter! Next chapter, Yoda learns some country grammar...after the hangover wears off ^_^ BP 


	3. Cornbread, Kool - Aid and a barbeque

Disclaimer: (See previous pages), also I used "No, no, no" by Destiny's Child (the original, less annoying version mind you), and "Country Grammer" by Nelly   
  
  
  
Cornbread, Kool - Aid, and a Barbeque  
  
  
Anikan had been seeing Taylon for a couple of weeks an liked her a lot. She was actually nicer than Ash had been, but she still had an edge to her. When Anikan told Taylon this, she said. "Damn right. I'm a sister after all." Anikan sisn't quite know what that meant, but he figured it was enough of an explanation.  
  
  
When Taylon invited him to her place, Anikan, of course agreed. Master Yoda came since Bridget and Dia - Hun had gone shopping, and Purus Anno had talked Obi - Wan into going to the beach again. Anikan had long since abandonned his padawan clothing for baggy jeans, sneakers, and sports shirts with various teams on them. He didn't recognize any of the names, of course. Yoda kept it simple with a pair of half fastened blue - jean overalls, a backwards Lakers cap and a yellow T - shirt underneath. (How he found anything his size is still a mystery to the author)  
  
  
When Anikan arrived in front of the address that Taylon had given him, he found that it was an average looking white house. There were people in the street, all of them Taylon's skin tone. He couldn't figure who they were staring harder at, him or Yoda. He decided it was Yoda just because he kept saying things like, "What is up, my hommies?!" or "Sup G!" which sounded pretty funny coming from him.   
  
  
When Anikan knocked on the screen door. a woman opened the door and looked at him through the screen. "May I help you?" the older woman asked politely. "Yes, is this where Taylon lives?" The woman opened the screen door to get a better look at him and she spotted Yoda. "What in the world is that?" she asked. "Yoda," said the little master, "is who I am. Your name I do not know as well." "I'm Taylon's mother, Josephine. Come in will you." Anikan nodded politely and went in. Josephine watched Yoda walk in, still not sure what to make of him.  
  
  
As they got further inside, they heard music playing.  
  
"You be sayin no no no no no  
  
When it's really yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah   
  
You be sayin no no no no no  
  
When it's really yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah...."  
  
  
  
After Josephine had seated Anikan and Yoda in the living room, Anikan was kind enough to explain his background. After taking a look at Yoda, the woman said, "I believe you honey, you don't have to worry about that." A very pleasant smell filled the air, one that Anikan had never smelled before. "What's that?" he asked. "I'm cooking some cornbread is all." "What's that?" Anikan asked. The woman shook her head at him. "You poor deprived thing. They must not be feeding you too well." She poke Anikan. "Yep, you're very thin." "But I'm-" The woman stood, "I'll see if I can't fix you something, while there's still enough left of you to feed." As the Josephine went into the kitchen, Taylon came down the stairs. "Hey Ani," Taylon said giving him a kiss, "Where did my mom run off to," Anikan explained everything. "Oh Lord," Taylon said shaking her head, "I'm sorry, did she off-" "No, I'm not offended," Anikan said with a laugh. "Besides I'm curious to see what cornbread tastes like, I think." Taylon went into the kitchen to help her mother.  
  
  
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Obi - Wan and Purus were having an interesting afternoon. Purus had spent much of his time on Earth learning how to surf. Obi - Wan wasn't that anxious to learn, but decided to go surfing anyway. Obi - Wan spent much of his time wiping out. Finally, he tried for a smaller wave....okay it was a ripple, but he rode it, exclaiming, "Wow! I did it!" He did do it, until his boaard flipped up and cracked him in the face.  
  
  
With the help of a lifeguard, Purus was able to pull Obi - Wan, who had been knocked out, to the shore. Purus noted that Obi - Wan had a big red spot on his forehead from hitting the board. Purus started shaking Obi - Wan, "Master Obi - Wan! Master Obi - Wan, wake up!" Obi - Wan began to speak saying, "Erm, I don wanna go ta class, all de oter chillen hate me cause I'm smarder than-" The life guard slapped Obi - Wan. "Ow!" said Obi - Wan said, now fully conscious, "What was that for?!" The lifeguard shrugged, "You were babbling. Are you two going to be okay?" "Yeah," said Purus helping Obi - Wan up, "Let's get you back to the hotel."  
  
  
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Neither Taylon nor Josephine didn't know what to make of poor Anikan. His table manners were alright, but the boy said he'd never had such good food before in his life. Master Yoda didn't eat as much, but Anikan was currently on his third serving and showing no mercy. Josephine had taking a liking to Anikan during the meal since he enjoyed her cooking, and her maternal instincts said that the boy needed a mother's tender care. The story about his mother tore at the woman's heart which is why she affectionately passed the fourth serving to Anikan.   
  
  
When Anikan had finished, it had grown later, but Josephine didn't mind. "Now Anikan," she said fixing a platter for him to take home, "you seem like a very nice boy, underfed but nice nonetheless which is why I don't attest to you seeing my baby. I also wanted to tell you that we'll be having a barbeque tomorrow. You can bring a couple of friends along, I guess that would include Yoda." "Word up!" Yoda said from the other room. "Yeah, well," Taylon said grabbing Anikan's arm, "I'll see you to the door."  
  
  
The cab was pulling up as Anikan and Yoda went outside. "Hurry up!" said the cab driver looking around anxiously, "This isn't the type of place I wanna be in for to long." "There's no hurry," Anikan said from where he was, "Right," said the cab driver, "No rush." Anikan and Yoda got into the cab and rode off  
  
  
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The next day. Anikan, Purus Anno, Dia - Hun, and Yoda came to the Barbeque. Dia - Hun. being a people person anyway, found it easy to mingle. Purus made his way over to the ladies and Anikan was busy being introduced to people by Taylon and Josephine.   
  
  
Yoda busied himself with impressing his new friends with his skills, namely rap:  
  
"...my grammar be's ebonics, gin tonic and chronic  
  
F*** bionic, it's ironic, slammin ----- like Onyx  
  
Lunatics til the day I die  
  
I run more games than the Bulls and Sonics"  
  
  
At this point Yoda takes his shirt off (author cringes) and is spinning it over his head as he dances back and forth in front of cars, people dancing around.  
  
  
"I'm going down down baby your street in a Range Rover,  
  
Street Sweeper baby cocked ready to let it go  
  
Shimmy shimmy cocao wha listen to it now  
  
Light it up and take a puff listen to me now..."  
  
  
Yoda continued to the end, and Anikan, shaking his head, looked on. He wondered what Master Windu would have thought of that.   
  
  
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End of chapter: Next chapter (last one!!!) Yoda's livin la vida loca! 


	4. Livin la vida loca

Livin la vida loca  
  
  
  
The group decided to go out together for their last night (Obi - Wan agreed to go, the big red spot on his fore head no longer as visible). Anakin invited Taylon along as well. They hit the club,Breather, arriving in a limo. As they walked into the packed club they were greeted with loud voices and louder music.  
  
"Waiting for tonight! Oh! When you would be here in my arm..."  
  
  
"You wanna dance?" Taylon asked Anakin over the noise. Before he could respond however he was pulled onto the dance floor. Bridget was chilling with Dia - Hun and Obi - Wan at a table. Purus was on the dance floor and Yoda had disappeared....momentarily.  
  
  
An odd thing happened when the music changed, Yoda, dressed in black leather pants and a black shirt jumped on top of something and started singing. "What is he doing?" Dia - Hun asked incredulously as he danced around. "Oh, he's just had too much to drink...again." Not that the Jedi Master was doing so bad.  
  
"...woke up in New York City,  
  
in a funky, cheap motel.  
  
She took my heart, and she took my money.  
  
She must have slipped me a sleeping pill..."  
  
  
Yoda then made a signal for Bridget to join him. Since her time there, Bridget had dyed her hair black, and she was sporting a slinky red dress. Needless to say she fit into the song. Bridget made her way through the parting crowd and promptly started to dance.  
  
  
"Upside, inside out,   
  
she's living la vida loca  
  
She'll push and pull you down  
  
Livin la vida loca.  
  
  
Her lips are devil red,  
  
And her skin the color mocha  
  
she will wear, you out  
  
Livin la vida loca  
  
Livin la vida loca...."  
  
  
While Yoda was sliding back and forth across the table, his shirt hiking up, Bridget was doing her thing on the dance floor.   
  
  
After the song was over, everyone clapped, asking for an encore. Yoda lifted his hand. "Alright," he said. "Do another song I will." He turned and shouted something and the lights dimmed, the music changing. Yoda went into a slower song, at one point leaning over, microphone in hand and singing to a particular girl.  
  
"...and now that you're gone,  
  
I just wanna be with you,  
  
And I can't go on,  
  
I just wanna be with you..."  
  
  
The girl actually fainted and had to be drug away. Yoda gave a quick wave to the group and continued singing.  
  
  
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When the group arrived at the station that would take them back to Corusant, they were accompanied by Taylon. "Here," Taylon said handing Anakin a plate. covered carefully with tin foil. "What's this?" he asked. "My mom made it for you." Taylon said, laughing a little, "She says she doubts they can cook where you live so she figured she make you something, in case you got hungry along the way." Anakin laughed. "Well after all the food I ate your place, technically I should never be hungry again." They kissed goodbye, (Which was broken up by Obi - Wan after five minutes had passed, saying they'd be late), and Anakin headed into the station.  
  
  
Yoda had said goodbye to Bridget, who would be staying behind another couple of weeks. He was wearing a black suit, with a white dress shirt and black tie. "Will you tell me again, Master Yoda," Obi - Wan asked as they were boarding, "Why you are dressed like that?" "Because," Yoda said whipping out some black shades and putting them on, "Make this look good, I do." He then broke into a dance (Men In Black music playing in the background) and danced onto the ship. Obi - Wan, shaking his head, boarded behind him. Dia - Hun nudged Purus Anno, asking, "Makes what look good?" Anakin and Purus laughed, and they all boarded.  
  
  
The ship sped forward and then upward, disappearing in a flash, destined for Corrusant.  
  
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I don't know whether or not I should add another chapter, sso I'll leave it up to the reviews. Byez!  
BP ^.~ 


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